Monday, May 21, 2012

... baby, climbing the walls gets me nowhere ...

My weekend was wonderful.

Dance weekends are so much more for me then just a chance to go dancing. They really are times when I get to feel the most at ease, the most at home, the most in-my-skin that I get. KF, an astute non-dancer friend, mentioned that it would be neat to see me in my 'dance' state - because it's where I am confident I can do something and I'm with people who know I can do it. In essence, it's where I have nothing to 'prove'. 

Travel gets me in a mindset that frames my weekend with awesomeness - music, audio books, the adventure of driving yourself, the slippery passage of time, maps, street names, new corners of old cities. This particular trip involved a midway stop at an old stomping ground with one of my favorite people ever, loud music from random radio stations, NPR, my windows down, and making my throat scratchy with singing.

Cool Beans! took me back to undergrad in an intense way - they've opened the downstairs up, aired out the cigarette smell, gotten a new espresso machine, and haven't changed the menu a bit. It was home away-from-dorm/home for the few years I was at USC - providing me the space I needed for coffee dates with gal friends, actual dates, cutting classes, bible studies, book reviews, arguments over group projects, finishing assignments, pretending to work and preparing for exams. It was one of the two main centers of my education - Cool Beans! and one particular table in the library. Stepping in there, being there, relaxing - it was an odd bit of nostalgia. It was a place that was truly ... mine, in a way. The affection I have for Cool Beans! is very similar to the feelings I have for Nick's and The Handlebar. Nick's, because who can't feel at home inside? Well, at least those 'of age'. And the Handlebar is where I started getting my two left feet to become lindy-hoppin', swing dancin', blues-followin', skip-down-the-sidewalk feet. Isn't it weird the places we declare to be ours over time? That resonate with special meaning?

Anyway, one perfect cappuccino-filled hour later - I was back on my favorite stretch of highway down to the coast. I really love the ride on I-26, down through the twisty old trees and Spanish moss down to the Holy City. I was at CB's and changed and on to the dances in record time - surrounded by people who love at least one thing that I love with a similar level of passion. It's a great thing. The feeling you get when you fully inhabit your body, and you're wholly present - the one that's so hard for people like me with wondering minds and worry and plotting and dreaming and the NOISE NOISE NOISE of everyday life ... the feeling that makes your body just SING with untold possibilities and exuberance and joy ... that is one of the best things I have ever felt. I'm just lucky I get the opportunity to came to events to experience it with some frequency. And late night is just wonderful - everyone warm and cozy and relaxed and sleepy and the bluesy music keeping you moving just enough. The Folly day on Saturday was nice - I got some sun and got to play a little in the sand and in the water, as well as have some singular dance-nerd moments. I also got Liz-headspace time, which is something I've noticed I've needed more of as I've gotten older. I also got to see my grandparents and hang out with CB a wee bit before heading back home on Sunday. I rocked out to 'Fat-Bottomed Girls', 'Superstition' and way too much country music (guilty pleasures, all) between snippets of NPR. With all that and seeing BC, QUALITY time with K&JF (who always make me a better person, one coffee date at a time), and the three J's ...

What a weekend.

I have a homework assignment, and I will be posting the results when I actually get my act together and do it. Today was not a good day as I've been at my desk very little, dealing with behavioral issues and barely meeting deadlines. My coffee sat untouched until 1:20, I was that busy.

I keep reminding myself it is a four day work week.
That I have a job contract to sign and return.
That I have a cat to cuddle and a house to relax in.
That I have a birthday bash to attend tonight.
I can imagine that my coffee is what it tastes like, not actually just flavored coffee.
That I will be flying to DC.
And, I will be enjoying what my cousin swears is the best milkshake ever from this dive.


I'll allow myself the ranty moment of the day ... really, now? Another reason I've been distancing myself from the church lately. 

And as for what I love in this world -
this anonymous poem is just so beautiful ...

"I want to know how many scars you have
and memorize the shape of your tongue.
I want to climb the curve of your lower back
and count your vertebrae,
your ribs,
your fingers,
your goose bumps.
I want to chart the topography of your anatomy
and be fluent in your body language.
I want you, entire."

And this cheerleader says what I need to say more often ...

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