... hold yourself together like a pair of bookends ...

Yesterday the clouds were nearly purple and swirling like they were full of snakes as I flew home from school yesterday afternoon. We’ve been testing this week and my brain and body are inexplicably tired. Who knew that watching a room full of kids fill in bubbles and making sure that they aren’t cheating could be so … utterly exhausting. I can’t wait for my unplanned Friday night so I can go to bed early. I guess you know you’re an old fogey when you get excited about things like bedtime. The storm blew in – a blessing that washed all of the yellow pollen out of the air and made things clean and fresh again, if only for a little while.

My soul longs for summer.

 

I was able to see (albeit briefly) another childhood friend – all grown up. She’s changed her name and had a baby and the family is lovely and well. It is so nice to see my friends enjoying their lives and making their way in the world. Even if it means they have to leave TigerTown and go far away to achieve their dreams. Dreams that involve wedding rings and tiny socks. It was actually kind of funny to reflect on the fact that I’m not married and I had a comment on how many people I’ve dated and not I’m not ‘settled down’ yet. I’m taking it as a compliment. Life experience is a wonderful thing!

There are NO tiny socks in my dreams. But there are dogs the size of small bears, backyards, grills and hammocks. Fireplaces. PJs. Handholding. Books. Coffee. Red lipstick. Really nice furniture. Passports. Great music.

And today I will be dancing around the kitchen singing Dave Barnes and Blake Shelton in my sock-feet.

Because I can.

… I’ve been losin' sleep, I've been keepin' myself awake …

I am bad at getting out of bed. I will wake up and just … lay there. Sometimes on my iPad, sometimes just day-dreaming. Sometimes I am all snuggly and giddy and sometimes I am just really annoyed by the idea of mornings. If I actually slept like a normal person, this wouldn’t be the case.

This particular morning I was up at 5ish (trying a new alarm system, with THREE alarms in different places in the room) but still had issues getting out the door by 7 to get to work early for a meeting. I was a snail about getting my shower, packing my gym bag, grabbing my lunch (prepacked), and dressing. I just couldn’t get moving well. This seems to happen EVERY workday.

I have considered and tried several options. The multi-alarm idea gets me out of bed. The coffee-alarm gets me out of bed and caffeinated, but causes spills and messes. I can almost disable just my phone alarm while still asleep. Waking up EARLIER and going to the gym helps a little, but I am switching gyms for good in June so this will not be a viable option next year.

I really have nothing against Gold’s as far as typical gyms go. Other than the sauna they mentioned they were adding at one time but have never ACTUALLY gotten around to doing – I have no complaints over the last two years. It is a big, nice area with lots of cardio machines and some classes I like to do on occasion. The times it is open are decent. The Cardio Cinema is very lovely. And the little ‘ladies only’ area is great for me sneaking in some weights when I feel sufficiently motivated. The motivation is the issue with Gold’s and that problem is entirely MY fault. 9Round seems like a better fit for the time being. 

Not only is the workout HIIT, which I need to tone up for bathing suit season, it is social, quick, and varied. I get one-on-one attention from staff when I go in as well as throughout my workout, I can do partner sets, and I can start a ‘class’ at any time.  Sadly, there isn’t reciprocity with other 9Round gyms that I am aware of – but a travel fee of about $9 every once in a blue moon is OK to deal with. The morning hours are not work friendly. But I would NOT want to do this workout before school. The people there motivate you – hardcore. If you walk in there is NO way you will weasel out of getting the best workout you can give that day. My workout buddy and I sweat way too much and are way too tired after for it to not be a great workout. Yesterday involved at least two three-minute intervals with some form of crunches THE WHOLE TIME. And I was introduced to burpees.

I do not like burpees. Apparently no one does. Not even the trainers.

I got hand-wraps and gloves (yellow and pink respectively) and wouldn’t you know – the pink gloves are the lightest weight gloves they have. I picked them based on color. The boy has since informed me that training gloves are supposed to be heavier than that (of course he would know these things) so I am boxing with lighter-weight gloves than I perhaps should be. Also the wraps are super weird and hard to put on. Also - I failed TWICE at wrapping them around themselves when I was trying to leave the gym. Because my arms were twitchy, even with the 'diva' gloves.

Whatever.

No time to rest though, this week is jam packed –  tomorrow is coffee with Brian and trivia night, and Saturday is a blues festival right here in TigerTown, the boy’s Bday, and mini-barcrawl adventure, and maybe even another Bday adventure on Sunday for another friend! 

And workouts hopefully three more days this week. Yay?

P.S. Interested in Upstate-goings-on that involve blues music? SURE YOU ARE! 

P.P.S. Vindaloo curry is not for the faint-hearted. Or weak-stomached. But apparently my cat LOVES it!

... stall your mother, disregard your father's words ...

Wow, I have been lax in posting of late! Thanks for the nudge, Lady F.

*deep breath*

Some things have changed in my neck of the woods over this LONG break - a brief summary, for those of you who'd like one ...

1. The new job has a little shine off of it now. I enjoy working with and older set of kiddos and every day is a challenge! I enjoy ELA immensely, so this is the perfect marriage of the job I had hoped to have when I was a little girl and the job I wanted as a teen. The people I work with are fantastic, I have signed a contract for next year (WHICH IS A BIG DEAL, YOU GUYS!), and I am constantly challenged.

2. Some renters have come and gone. Most notably I have said goodbye to the angry German. Thanks, roomie, for breaking your rental agreement and refusing to pay. I am actually healthier and happier without the poisonous environment you created. Cheers!

3. I MIGHT have found my inner sarcastic sassy pants (see above).

4. Two 'major players' in my life are getting MARRIED in the same month, a week apart! Kris and Corrin have found their respective 'other halves'. I am a MOH in one and a Bridesmaid/DJ in the other. October will be busy! I am elated and also miffed that things are changing a bit. Kris has been my roomie for going on 4 years and her Lizard-monster is stealing her ... and Garr-fish is stealing my bestie from college. I expect to be visited and harassed to visit often.

5. Another major player is preggers and about to pop! This may or may not have confirmed my suspicion that I never want to procreate. I can hand babies off more easily if they aren't mine.

6. I am obsessed with a new set of TV shows, most notably Dr. Who and Misfits. I still enjoy Frasier.

Some things have also stayed the same ...

1. Still into biking, being healthy(ish), exercise, and movement. Cooking experimentally, but mostly paleo when at home.

2. My cat is still neurotic and co-dependent. Positive affirmations do NOT seem to help unless paired with bacon. Which is my roomie's fault. I will always blame the warped-ness of our mutual fur-baby on her.

3. I still have yet to shamelessly strut about in a bikini or actually get that tattoo.

4. I am shamelessly in love with Pandora One.

5. My walls at work are covered with odd sayings and random things.

6. I am still finding my way with regards to faith and knowledge. I am still a beauty-seeker and a truth-seeker. I find that mileage tends to vary with any form of thought with these types of things from person to person, and that this is part of what makes life so interesting.

In more recent times, I have been out having adventures in the lovely Upstate of SC. One example is ShalomFest. I heard a great lecture and had an awesome time with Lady F, Sarah, Lady M, and the boy. I love learning new things about cultures and religions, and let's face it - nothing beats some yummy, adventurous food!

Sarah had a baby MONSOON of tiny socks and dresses and bows and pink and bunnies. It was really fun to see friends and meet new people! This little baby will have an awesome community of baby-sitters, aunties, and snugglers.

Faithie is back from the Midwest with hubs and baby in tow - the high-school lady-gang has been reassembled (it isn't hard with just 3). Hannah, Faithie, Lady-Bate and I had a grand time playing 'pass the baby' and catching up on gossip. Lady-Bate is almost exactly WHO and HOW I want to be when I grow up - minus the kids. She is extroverted, blunt, emotionally invested and outrageous - but ALWAYS incredibly wise and kind. Maybe I'll improve with age!

I was able to get my first Contra of the year in - and there is photographic evidence that I was there. And that I danced with the boy. I love Contra and River Falls and the people and the music and there will be several trips up this summer. It will have to happen. You should join me!

 

Blues and Swing also still happen and summer will need to have a FULL HELPING. I have my eyes on some events coming up. YOU SHOULD GO TOO! The local line-up -

CHEX and HCBX are two EXCELLENT chances to get your dance on in the Holy City with some of the best folks around. Does it get any better than dancing at the beach? GVLX is local and awesome.  Summertime - a Blues event takes us to the capital city and into historic venues. Even though it is far into the future, I can't wait for The Winter Blues. AND OHMYWORD there WILL be dancing.

I saw The Avett Brothers in concert in TigerTown and it was ... so wonderful. SBS, Ma Smo, Ashwinkle, and I had a blast! Who knew you could dance with a cello?

I get to go to my first ever prom this year! I am all a twitter. And the kiddos are asking each other and it is ADORABLE to watch the interactions. AWWW!

The entire world is yellow with pollen and I want to bathe in Claritin and scrub my eyes with steel wool. Instead I run, yoga, or go to 9Round inside. I can't wait until the plants settle down.

Yesterday I was the most adorable pink lumberjack-teacher ever, thanks to Target. A surprising amount of students liked this dress. It may be a new workweek staple, simply due to how EASY it is. Easy is good.

I haven't been reading books lately, but if you love blogs - might I recommend almost EVERY blog at Pathos? My favorites are No Longer Quivering, Love, Joy, Feminism and The Friendly Atheist, but there is something for everyone. If you want to see some of the other blogs I read, let me know! I'll feature them in other posts. I follow several religion blogs as well as several paleo cooking ones.

*... exhale*

... cold is the water - it freezes your already cold mind ...

Since the beginning of my first summer as a school district employee, meaning my first summer of freedom and daring, I have done many crazy, odd things - dancing all the the time, reading relaxing books, riding my bike in 104 degree weather, last minute day trips, going to plays, drinking moonshine, jumping in mountain creeks, not having a sleep schedule, not having ANY SCHEDULE AT ALL, fireworks, hanging out downtown with old friends, drinking way too many iced teas at Starbucks, sleeping in tents, and seeing all the people I love and want to spend time with. I am looking into more real estate, am sporting a vicious tan (especially cute biking tan lines, I might add), I am watching Frasier and documentaries, and really trying to embrace the good things being thrown my way. I am using my computer less, and doing more. I am registering a team for a Mud Run (maybe! It's expensive).

As an example of how crazy my life has become, my weekend plans involve biking around 35 miles on Saturday morning, coming home, packing camping gear, driving up the mountain, setting up camp, contra dancing for around 4 hours, camping out AND THEN hiking on Sunday.

But today, I deep cleaned.

Now, most people who know me how important that phrase is - but in case you didn't - when I deep clean, it is for a reason. Why on earth would I deep clean my car, bedroom, bathroom, or various and sundry areas in my house instead of doing the more exciting things I could be doing - like laying out and reading, or the things I should be doing - like going to the gym or going through the mail?

Because I can't think straight. I Monday quarterback everything. I over think and over analyze and worry. For example - as delightful as having a summer off is, I feel like I can't plan ahead for next year and I'll be behind at something I've never tried before. And then the brain loop. And this builds and builds the nerves can't be fixed by a brew or yoga or a bike ride - and I want to avoid too much delicious food because I am happy my behind is smaller than it used to be - so I turn to Clorox wipes. 

And this is just ONE thing on my mind. There are others. And they bug me too. And they all have loops. So I clean until they all get sorted whilst I scrub or I am too tired to care. Because I don't currently have the stamina to take all this out on the treadmill and dance is on other nights.

Thank goodness for Clorox.

Since I've taken a break, I will get vino, order a pizza, make some yummy beverages (Thanks for the tips, KF!), and keep cleaning. Hey, a night in after 2.5 weeks of adventure is a good idea.

And I will have the cleanest, comfiest bedroom ever on Sunday as a reward for my crazy weekend.

... baby, climbing the walls gets me nowhere ...

My weekend was wonderful.

Dance weekends are so much more for me then just a chance to go dancing. They really are times when I get to feel the most at ease, the most at home, the most in-my-skin that I get. KF, an astute non-dancer friend, mentioned that it would be neat to see me in my 'dance' state - because it's where I am confident I can do something and I'm with people who know I can do it. In essence, it's where I have nothing to 'prove'. 

Travel gets me in a mindset that frames my weekend with awesomeness - music, audio books, the adventure of driving yourself, the slippery passage of time, maps, street names, new corners of old cities. This particular trip involved a midway stop at an old stomping ground with one of my favorite people ever, loud music from random radio stations, NPR, my windows down, and making my throat scratchy with singing.

Cool Beans! took me back to undergrad in an intense way - they've opened the downstairs up, aired out the cigarette smell, gotten a new espresso machine, and haven't changed the menu a bit. It was home away-from-dorm/home for the few years I was at USC - providing me the space I needed for coffee dates with gal friends, actual dates, cutting classes, bible studies, book reviews, arguments over group projects, finishing assignments, pretending to work and preparing for exams. It was one of the two main centers of my education - Cool Beans! and one particular table in the library. Stepping in there, being there, relaxing - it was an odd bit of nostalgia. It was a place that was truly ... mine, in a way. The affection I have for Cool Beans! is very similar to the feelings I have for Nick's and The Handlebar. Nick's, because who can't feel at home inside? Well, at least those 'of age'. And the Handlebar is where I started getting my two left feet to become lindy-hoppin', swing dancin', blues-followin', skip-down-the-sidewalk feet. Isn't it weird the places we declare to be ours over time? That resonate with special meaning?

Anyway, one perfect cappuccino-filled hour later - I was back on my favorite stretch of highway down to the coast. I really love the ride on I-26, down through the twisty old trees and Spanish moss down to the Holy City. I was at CB's and changed and on to the dances in record time - surrounded by people who love at least one thing that I love with a similar level of passion. It's a great thing. The feeling you get when you fully inhabit your body, and you're wholly present - the one that's so hard for people like me with wondering minds and worry and plotting and dreaming and the NOISE NOISE NOISE of everyday life ... the feeling that makes your body just SING with untold possibilities and exuberance and joy ... that is one of the best things I have ever felt. I'm just lucky I get the opportunity to came to events to experience it with some frequency. And late night is just wonderful - everyone warm and cozy and relaxed and sleepy and the bluesy music keeping you moving just enough. The Folly day on Saturday was nice - I got some sun and got to play a little in the sand and in the water, as well as have some singular dance-nerd moments. I also got Liz-headspace time, which is something I've noticed I've needed more of as I've gotten older. I also got to see my grandparents and hang out with CB a wee bit before heading back home on Sunday. I rocked out to 'Fat-Bottomed Girls', 'Superstition' and way too much country music (guilty pleasures, all) between snippets of NPR. With all that and seeing BC, QUALITY time with K&JF (who always make me a better person, one coffee date at a time), and the three J's ...

What a weekend.

I have a homework assignment, and I will be posting the results when I actually get my act together and do it. Today was not a good day as I've been at my desk very little, dealing with behavioral issues and barely meeting deadlines. My coffee sat untouched until 1:20, I was that busy.

I keep reminding myself it is a four day work week.

That I have a job contract to sign and return.

That I have a cat to cuddle and a house to relax in.

That I have a birthday bash to attend tonight.

I can imagine that my coffee is what it tastes like, not actually just flavored coffee.

That I will be flying to DC.

And, I will be enjoying what my cousin swears is the best milkshake ever from this dive.

Soon.

I'll allow myself the ranty moment of the day ... really, now? Another reason I've been distancing myself from the church lately. 

And as for what I love in this world -

this anonymous poem is just so beautiful ...

"I want to know how many scars you have
and memorize the shape of your tongue.
I want to climb the curve of your lower back
and count your vertebrae,
your ribs,
your fingers,
your goose bumps.
I want to chart the topography of your anatomy
and be fluent in your body language.
I want you, entire."

And this cheerleader says what I need to say more often ...

... the space between ...

And now I'm mad at Mississippi. They have found a way to make their state impossible to get abortions in.

This means I have fairly recent reasons for rage with Georgia (testing scandal), North Carolina (Amendment 1), and Mississippi. Maybe I need to move West. Great job there, Bubba.

Bubba Carpenter Lauds Potential Return Of 'Coat Hanger' Abortions
News One on Bubba's Decision

I guess this ad from MoveOn.org with Lisa Edelstien from 'House' was closer to the truth then people might have imagined at the time -

... man is a giddy thing ...

This is a pointless lunch-break post, and a very vent-y one. Feel free to ignore.

Wednesday night I slept ... well ... none. It was a no sleep night. I tried everything and it was just a journal-y, reflective, too-much-thinking-thinky-thoughts, scowling at the ceiling sort of time. Even with Hendrick's. So Thursday was a grumpy, emotional, weird day, with more journaling and being short with kiddos then I would've liked. And whoa, what appeared in my journal needed burning. And Thursday was a 12 hour workday.

We had a parent night and I was told John Cessarich and the news crew were going to be there and I was to be around them most of the evening manning sound for things. But the 'weather acted up' bringing all the events inside and keeping John in his crazy weathermobile and away from my hair which was having a hissy fit due to the humidity. It looked like this -

If John had been there, the forecast could've been done with my hair alone! And while I was wearing, according to most of the staff, a comely outfit - a mother came up to me and asked me a string of questions about my legs. Her face was full of pity and horror and, perhaps, fear. Her words come out in a rush - "OH MY WORD DO YOU HAVE A CONDITION?!?! What is wrong with your legs?" And after, you know, a reasonable explanation of my Footloose knee-slide and my biking experience of doom ... her face was full of incredulity and sadness and she asked me if I need help. I went from a cancer patient to a battered woman in a matter of seconds! I also had to get people to sign in and out of the lobby, threaten a teenager with a world of pain if he left his younger brother unattended, read parents questionnaires, look for strays, and answer occasional impertinent questions about my life from many different individuals. Including a parent. Who wanted to know my relationship status. This parent has just recently gotten a divorce, apparently. And deal with a blue million texts about things in Clemson I couldn't control because hey, I'm at work IN EASLEY. I'd forgotten all meals, so hanger threw good sense to the winds and I noshed on what was available (not tasty, not filling, so not much was consumed). I finished up, tidied my office and put a smile on my face, thinking about CHEX, in GLORIOUS Charleston! Then I remembered that I would look even more like a fluffy bunny there, and that I was supposed to pack when I got home. I ordered a pizza, thinking Y would deliver it (haven't seen him in ages, have to order pizza to see him these days), so my healthy eating for the day was totally shot. I got home about the same time the pizza got there, and even though it wasn't what I ordered I took it anyhow. I cooked, packed up the food I'd cooked, and got most of the clothes together, and then proceeded to not finish packing and watched Roku instead. I've gotten interested in 'Last Airbender' of late, so I had some episodes to watch. I had some company over to watch it with me, which was nice, even though I over-shared, grumbled about writing style, and J said that maybe I should think about seeing why I bruise so much. WebMd did list cancer (and lupus), but also more reasonable things, like taking vitamins I may lack. I cleaned some, took out the trash. And then I tried to sleep, and actually got maybe four hours between grumbling at the fan and thinking too much. And then ... overslept my alarm this morning. Solution - bring ALL THE CLOTHES! And run run run to the car. I now have almost my entire wardrobe in the car, way too much to drink, food so I won't have to eat out, and leftover pizza and cinnapie to eat today. Because I wasn't going to waste it. And I can't leave early today, even with lots of comp time.

At least I get recess.